The Journey

So I’m sitting in the car park of the gym, having just had a 40 minute work out which consisted of upper body. Downstairs has definitely not repaired from the episiotomy and has actually been very tender the last couple of days 😦 so any proper exercise is out of the question.

How do I feel….?

Pretty fed up, I hate my body at the moment, yeah yeah love your body and what it has done and carried, but looking in the mirror, yes it’s done a good job, but actually none of my clothes fit, my loose belly pooch flaps around under my maternity jeans… my underneath hurts everytime I have a open leg position or bend forward… my hair is dry and dandruffy and clumps come out when I wash it at the moment… just generally a little out of love with my body…

To top it off my Nanny passed away on Thursday so I’m feeling pretty low at the moment… rip Nanny love you xxx

My fiancé Stuart, sent me off to the gym giving me strict instructions to only work my upper half with no open legs! I needed to do something today as was fed up, fed up with the same old, fed up with J’s crying, and needed some time to myself.

So here I am, having finished my work out…. well I feel a bit better, not by any means grand, however felt good to be working out again,frustrating I can’t work out fully and frustrated how I am lacking any strength. For example I laid back onto the mat ready to take a breath and gently bring myself up back to sitting- (like a sit up but slowly, Pilates style….) and well I continued to lay on the floor, as the ab muscles I once had have vanished….. as if by magic….

What are they thinking?

In my head everyone at gym is looking at me thinking “well she isn’t lifting very heavy or being very active….” I kinda feel like I should have a sign explaining I’ve had a baby not long ago that has caused some damage and they should try this whole new Mum thing sometime!! But then I think actually I am the only one thinking that and nobody cares what I’m doing at the gym….

So it is a testing time….. and I think slowly slowly is the key!!

Author:

A first time Mum, making it up as I go along. A honest frank account of mummy life!

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