One going on three…

I mean, where does the attitude even come from?!! His 15 months…

I swear he went to bed and changed into the Incredible Hulk overnight…

I’ve not blogged in a while now, things have been busy, life has taken over and running your own business whilst trying to be a mum is much harder than I expected. But still here we are and another blog ready to go.

Toddlers, I mean are they just completely misunderstood? This is a testing time. The simplest of things can literally send a sweet smiling little boy over the edge and transform him into what can only be described as a gremlin shown to water…

“I want to go outside without my shoes on, I don’t care that there’s nails and all sorts on the floor waiting to hurt my toes….stamps feet, – mummy tries to pick up and explain we must wear our shoes outside or it may hurt our feet, nope, the world is about to end, and whole body is arched whilst the face screws up …” hey duggie is switched on and the world is a much nicer place….

We go through the random outbursts possibly around 20 times a day…. anything literally anything can start this from mummy kindly asking Jasper to set the table and the cutlery gets launched or one more spoonful of dinner. Or even the fact mummy or daddy will not let him stand on the table…. or the point where you need to put him back in the buggy after playing but he has other ideas and you literally feel like anyone around listening is about to call child protection as the noise his making whilst trying to get back in the seat is unreal!!! I mean what kind of awful parents are we?!

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad, Jasper is becoming a little boy, his able to listen to instructions and he can follow them to a degree. His starting to point at things and showing a real interest to learn which is incredibly amazing. His a cheeky little character who has a thing about belly buttons, his and others around him and finds it highly amusing poking them.

I’m hoping his already reached the terrible two stage just minus the speech, so actually when we do reach two, things will be pleasant….. we shall see….

Sometimes I want to just scream?! “What the hell is wrong…” and you have to take some deep breathes resolve yourself and realise they have ALOT going on in their brains, so many pathways being connected, so much for them to take in an learn about the world, and the best thing I can say is ” it’s ok for you to feel cross, do you need a cuddle” – this is me being an adult, trying to stay calm myself..

Have any of you got toddlers? What’s been the best thing they’ve had a melt down over?

Guilt… a good mum?

Recently I’ve been feeling guilty about pretty much everything…

Guilty I am working and leaving Jasper.

Guilty I get so annoyed that Jasper moans a lot despite knowing it’s separation anxiety…

Guilty that I feel guilty for feeling the way I do…

You get the idea. The word guilty now doesn’t mean anything and just blurs into everything else.

As a mum like any parent, I think this is completely normal, however it isn’t a nice feeling.

I am absolutely smitten by our son, I really am. I just feel sometimes I could be a better mum.

Maybe I should be one do those instagram mums who cooks those amazing dinners with cute little shape vegetable cut outs, some nights I struggle to even put together a dinner for my partner and I, let alone try and make Jaspers pretty…

Perhaps I should be spending time planning activities for him to do, widening his experiences. I feel guilty that all we do is sit on the play mat, or go walking or meet friends for play dates. For some reason I feel this is not enough…. I placed an order on amazon last night at 3am for finger paints, next week I plan to get me and little man messy!!

Why as a mum do we feel we are not doing enough?!

I searched baby play dough recipe, so in an attempt to satisfy the activity desire we are going to have a sensory play session.

Time is a factor, I just don’t feel like I have the time, working a lot, and the time I do spend with Jasper is also the time where house work needs to be done and then it’s a battle to complete that list that’s getting bigger in your head…

Being a working mum, running my own business, that’s not easy. I feel guilty that I am on my phone a lot of the day, answering emails. Unfortunately the business wont grow without effort, yet the guilt is there that my son sees me on my phone a lot.

When does being a mum get easier…? When does the feeling of guilt subside…? Well guess what it doesn’t….

You might not always be the perfect model, you may not always enjoy being a responsible grownup, you may want to just be young again having no care in the world but hey your a mum, a mum to a beautiful baby/ies. You just need to be the best you can for them whatever situation you may be in.

We may not always do “enough” with our babies or feel we are “enough” but to them we are their world 💙

Seperation desperation

The stage has begun….

leg pulling, constant wining, not letting go…. yes seperation anxiety has reared it’s head!

So we’ve had a lovely couple of weeks, Jasper at 7 months is now crawling, cruising the furniture and climbing the stairs…. we’ve developed well physically, however emotionally we’ve hit a wall.

The last three days have been a nightmare!

It only seems to be around me, mummy, around other people, including his dad, Jasper plays happily and not a care in the world.

Mummy walks in the room and the crying begins, crawling over to me and hanging onto my legs, grabbing at my excess fat trying to climb up. It’s not even good enough to be sitting on me, his literally got to be cuddled into my neck.

It’s hard….. really hard… I mean sometimes I even say out loud “seriously I am just going to the kitchen?!!!” Which I add, is about 5 steps away from the living room…

I’ve read ” it’s just a phase….”. And it’s a “wonder weeks learning development” –

Come on momma! We’ve got this…. it’s not forever!

6 months….how?

I mean, really, where did 6 months go, I look back and wonder how we managed to get through this, it has been a hard 6 months!! And then again I think wow we’ve done it, we have a son…. his half a year old!!

Well let’s talk about 6 months marker…

Yup it’s here….. that time where most parents dread, the moment their baby begins to crawl…

Its been on the cards for a while now, Jasper has been army crawling with belly flops and cries of frustration inbetween hysterical floor jumping. But two days ago, he cracked it!

Vital stage…..

Now, I’m actually not dreading this stage, yes I have to be aware of where he is at all times, I know I can’t leave him on the bed whilst I get ready, I can’t take him to the loo with me anymore as I have a little human pulling himself up my legs at the vital stage!!!

But actually his less frustrated…..

Jasper enjoys following mummy about, oh and he now loves the fact he can crawl after our cat!!! Luckily our cat can jump…..

Toys have been put aside, the focus is on pulling himself up and his now determined to cruise and walk! There is no stopping this little man….

Separation anxiety

It’s really a thing….

Jasper HAS to be with me when I’m in the room, despite being absolutely fine with daddy or another person in the room, as soon as mummy walks in the arms go up and the winge fest begins…

Yeah, it’s a tad annoying but then I think, that just means his totally in love with his mummy, and has defiantly formed that mummy, son bond.

When his little head rests in the crack of my neck my heart melts, his fingers gripping onto my arms almost a slight bit of pain as his nails dig into my skin, but also the feeling of warmth and love.

Where has our newborn little grumpy baby gone…. his becoming a little boy more and more so by the day… I love watching him grow, explore and learn.

Make the most of every day together those cuddles will not be forever 🙂

Food glorious food…

So we are at that stage of weaning….the battle ground of baby led or purée… it really is a confusing time!

To be honest I’m not sure if it’s called weaning or the better term comes to mind is food exploration and mess…

The debate between baby led and purée or a mixture.

So before we had J we bought a purée machine which does it all for you, put the whole veg in and it purees it. Great aye?!

Well yes great, until I went on a weaning workshop and they mentioned baby led weaning…

I googled, and I spoke to a friend who actually has baby led weaned and actually it makes sense…

Giving a baby the food in its normal form, no mush no purée, just the actual vegetable but steamed to make it easier to gum.

So we began a bit early, blw is meant to begin at 6 months, when they can sit and hold head upright and when they can bring things to their mouth and their tongue thrust reflex is reduced.

Jasper began the process himself after taking a strawberry from my hand and beginning to suck on it, to the point the strawberry was demolished!!!!

So we began giving j an item of veg at our dinner time, he has had a mixture of things, broccoli, potatoes, sweet potatoe, carrot, cauliflower and various fruits…

This was great, however I must highlight it is a messy process… food is explored, smooshed against the table, smeared up his face, in his hair, all over the floor. But hey it’s good to feel and explore what you are eating…. getting to know the shape, texture, colour, smell and lastly taste.

I’ve had a lot of people suggesting I should just try purees and it has made me doubt what I’m doing is right, like everything you do as a mum you doubt whether the choice you make is the right one. ” he isn’t getting anything from it” ” he needs more solids to sleep through the night” ” he needs to actually get some food, at the moment he is just playing with it” ” purée is more natural” and then I begin to think actually purée does make sense, his been drinking milk for 6 months so surely going straight to a solid is just silly?? Well I questioned myself again and became really confused of how to continue.

We continued with baby led and around a month in, the results are awesome, we have seen such improvement with Jaspers coordination, he can take food almost directly to his mouth, it’s amazing, he wants to be involved with spooning food into his mouth, and generally becomes frustrated at how little a spoon holds and goes back to his hands!!

His definitely taking solids, you can tell in his nappies there is a definite colour and smell change, this is not a positive may I add…..

I know a few people who have used purees and that’s working well for them, but like with anything you do as a parent, you must choose the way that works for you and your baby, and hey baby led was the way to go for us….

Camping…. what really?!

Yes, we did it, we went camping with a 4 and half month old.

How was it? Well it wasn’t a disaster but it probably was on the list of most stressful experiences I’ve had…. however, we are not put off from doing it again!

We had electric hook up which made it easier. Bringing our bottle prep machine made the experience easier, however the water got so hot that little temperature waning light keep coming on which meant emptying and refilling the machine.

Camping with a baby, well obviously your little one will be a bit unsettled, it’s all new.

Jasper is quite sensitive to change and overstimulation, he did find the whole experience a little hard, and we had to try and remember this through the many screamathons…

To be honest the nighttime went quite well, except for having to pace the field trying to get Jasper to go to sleep, because obviously the tent was light and wiggles a lot in the wind which makes going to sleep for a already wired baby a tough time! And then having to make a bottle in the middle of the night trying not to trip over anything in the tent and trying to be as quick as possible as to not wake your neighbours with the material walls!! We stuck to the normal routine with Ewan the sheep, and we’re lucky enough that the campsite had a family bathroom with a bath so were able to bathe Jasper every night like at home. I thought it would be much colder, and bought a 3.5 tog grobag-mittens and hat, however these were not needed, the tent was so warm and during the night the outside temperature was around 15-19c so a normal grobag and sleepsuit was fine!

It was tricky, there were many challenging times but there were many cute times…. and it made me and my other half have to work as a team, it was very much tag teaming as Jasper cried, but then feeling proud and like a proper team once he had settled, highfiving each other and realising your both actually pretty awesome!

So yes we would go camping again and hope this will part of our family holidays, I feel perhaps as Jasper gets older it will become easier, and once recommendation, buy a roof box, you will definitely need it!!!

4 month mayhem

We’ve reached 4 months and we have a smiley, chatty, wiggley, emotional, teething, dribbling, non sleeping little bundle of loveliness.

The newborn stage is a distant memory and onto a new more interactive little being.

So once again, I have tried to start a routine, however, a 4.30am start is never a good start to the day. Little man has tricked mummy on many occasion, lulling her into a false sense of security, by napping in his cot, or self soothing to sleep… no no, we haven’t a new baby, the next day we are back to rocking and jiggling across the room to settle. No day is ever the same, and what worked one day certainly isn’t a marker as to what will work the next. So going with the flow is key!

Sleep regression

Is it actually a “thing?” I cannot be sure and I was convinced Jasper couldn’t get any worse at sleeping…… how wrong could I be?

His usual two wake up feeds at night which I was getting used to, have now been replaced by a 11 o clock cry, a feed at 2 a feed at 4 get up at 5 and a lot of wriggling in between. So he takes a whole bottle at every feed so he must be hungry? Surely? I can’t feed him anymore during the day, and it’s not a sign his ready to wean so I guess we will just continue to feed his needs!

Keep rolling rolling rolling…

So our little baby succeeded in his first back to tummy roll last week. His frustration levels were sky high as he couldn’t work out how to get his arm from underneath him fully out however, that has now been conquered! Woo!

Onto the next challenge, how to roll back….

This is something Jasper is yet to master and for both mummy and Jasper this is quite frustrating. He rolls onto his front constantly, then kicks his arms and legs around as though trying to frantically crawl without getting anywhere, makes a frustrated moan, then gets tired and face plants the floor followed by a tired cry.

This can repeat on many occasion during the day, and despite mummy teaching him how to roll back the penny is yet to drop…

This happened one night at 2am last week…. he would roll over face first, mummy would roll him back, as soon as my head hit the pillow, he would roll over again, cry, mummy roll back, you get the idea…. let’s say we didn’t get much sleep that night…

Jasper has almost worked out how to turn his head so he can sleep on his front, however the last few nights I find myself waking just to check his not suffocating on his front…. zZzzZzzzZzz

Update since writing this Jasper now sleeps on his tummy with head turned despite many attempts of putting him onto his back…

Wonders of Calpol and dentinox

Teething….. well, what an evil thing….

Jasper has really suffered, hands are constantly in his mouth, our hands are pulled towards his mouth and wow he clamps down on your fingers knawing away! I’m just glad that’s not my nipple….

He can get himself into such a state, obviously in pain to the point he won’t feed which then is a vicious cycle as then he is hangry and tired and upset and the world is such a terrible place…. just wants to be in my arms carried everywhere….

We have tried one of them amber bracelets, to be honest I cannot tell you whether it is helping or not, we will need to give it a bit longer to decide.

For now, calpol, and dentinox teething gel are my go to, they appear to be helping with the pain…

So despite the mayhem above, the 4 month mark has left myself and daddy feeling a bit more optimistic. It doesn’t make it any easier however, we are starting to understand what his crying is about, have some tricks up our sleeves to help soothe him and are slightly more confident about being good parents… ish…